Just be yourself. That sentence is quite possibly the most commonly used
phrase in the history of advice: Be yourself. It's such a vague adage.
What do they really mean when they tell you to be yourself? And is it
really as easy as it sounds?
Tips on this title :
1 : Find yourself and define yourself on your terms.
Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit:
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
As humorous as this might seem, it's a basic summation of the truth.
Yet, you can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and
accept yourself
first. It should be your primary goal to find this out. Find the time
to dwell upon what you value and take time to consider what makes up the
essence of who you are. As part of this, contemplate your life and
choices. Try to think about what kinds of things you would or wouldn't
like to do, and act accordingly; finding out through trial and error
helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality
tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them so that you
do not let such tests define you. Instead, ensure that the defining you
do is based on your own terms and is something you feel absolutely
comfortable with. You may feel self-conscious, but over time if you are
around the right type of people for you, they will accept you for who
you are.And love and start to look at the real you.
In finding your values, don't be surprised if some of them seem to conflict. This is a natural result of taking on broad
values
from a variety of sources, including culture, religion, mentors,
inspiring people, educational sources, etc. What does matter is that you
continue working through these conflicts to resolve what values feel
most true to yourself.
2. Avoid fixating on the past and not letting yourself grow
One of the most unhealthy approaches to being oneself is to make a
decision that who you are is defined by a moment or period of time,
after which you spend the rest of your life trying to still be that
person from the past rather than someone who is still you but grows with
the passing of each season and decade. Allow yourself this space to
grow, to improve, to become
wiser.
And allow yourself to forgive past errors and past behaviors you're not
so proud of. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made;
they're done and in the past. You had your reasons for them and the
decision made sense at the time, so instead of harnessing yourself to
past mistakes, allow yourself to learn their lessons and continue to
grow.
Look for people around you who proudly proclaim they are no different
than they were the day they turned 16 or 26 or 36, or whatever. Do these
people seem flexible,
easygoing,
happy people? Often they are not because they are so busy insisting
that nothing has changed for them ever, that they're incapable of taking
on new ideas, learning from others, or growing. They might believe
adamantly that they are "being themselves" but in reality they are often
enslaved by the past and a particular image of themselves that they
would have done better to have released long ago. Growth into every new
age and stage of our lives is an essential part of being true to
ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and whole.
3. Stop caring about how people perceive you
Some of them will like you and some of them won't. Either attitude is as
likely to be right or wrong. It's next-to-impossible to be yourself
when you're caught up in constantly wondering "Do they think I'm
funny?
Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid? Am I
good/clever/popular enough to be a part of their group of friends?" To
be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your
behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter —
not their
consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or
group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go on
forever in a vicious cycle trying to please people instead of focusing
on building up your talents and strengths; being a
people-pleaser or always wanting
everyone's
love and respect is a totally pointless exercise in the end that can
harm your personal development and confidence. Who cares what other
people say? As Eleanor Roosevelt said once,
"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and what matters most is that you listen to your own inner confidence and if it's missing, that you start developing it!
- Does this mean no one's opinion in life matters? No. It hurts if
you're socially rejected. If you're forced into a situation where you
must spend most or all of your time among people who can't stand you for
reasons of their own, it's dangerous to internalize their negative
ideas of who you are. What you can do is exercise some choice in whose
opinions you value more than others. It's much healthier to pay
attention to people who genuinely mean you well and who agree with you
about what you want to do with your life.
- Be careful though, an individual can mean you well, but it may be
only on their own terms. This could steer you down the wrong path, and
with all the passion of true consideration for your well being. Maybe
they think you'd be better off in a different occupation, different
lifestyle or religion. Think of an enthusiastic evangelist from any
religion. If you are an evangelist Christian, think of how it feels to
be pestered by Agnostics, Humanists, or even the opposing sects of your
own faith, it is very easy for someone who feels down and lost to get
recruited by a group. It will not take long for you to start acting just
like they want you to. It will feel like you are being true to
yourself. In the path to being yourself many people think religion,
regardless of which one it is, as a true path. The only true path is
under your feet, walking others path will just take you wherever they
went.
- Don't trivialize it if you face negative social pressure or
bullying. It's easier to withstand it if you are aware of it as pressure
and build healthy defenses. Building up a circle of trusted friends and
people who share your views and beliefs in life is a good way to help
reduce the impact of hostile people. You can tell yourself their
opinions don't matter, and they shouldn't, but that's a lot easier when
there are others who agree with you and stand by you. If you are alone
that is fine, just think about how the people in your life who care
about you. Then compare them to whoever the bully is; suddenly you can
realize that their opinion of you, your family or your lifestyle, is
worthless. We inherently care about the opinions of those we respect and
look up to. This works both ways; if you someone has no respect for you
than what they say is just empty words coming from someone who is only
one step above being a total stranger.
- Learn the difference between intimidating,
sarcastic, conniving, or thoughtless comments from others and
constructive criticism which is well intended. It will focus on real
faults that you not know about, and could do with remedying. In the
latter case, people such as parents, mentors, teachers, coaches, etc.,
might well be telling you things that you need to digest and mull over
at your own pace, to make self-improvements for the better. The
difference is that their critique of you is intended to be helpful. They
care about you and are interested in how you grow as a person, and are respectful.
Learn how to spot the difference and you will live well, dismissing
pointless negative critiques, and learning from the constructive
critique.
4. Be honest and open.
What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect, growing, learning human
beings. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself —
and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you, whether
physically or emotionally — then you have to come to terms with that and
learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks or
simply as basic, down-to-earth acknowledgments of your own
imperfections. Be honest with yourself, but don't beat yourself up;
apply this philosophy to others, as well. There is a difference between
being critical and being honest; learn to watch the way you say things
to yourself and others when being honest.
Try the tactic of owning up to your imperfections mid-argument with
someone. You will often discover that suddenly you've removed the very
reason for stubbornly holding the line of argument, which is often about
preserving face and not giving in. The moment you say, "Yeah, look I
get really irritable when the room's in a mess too. And I acknowledge
that I shouldn't leave my clothes in a pile on the floor and yet, I do
it because that's a lazy part of myself I'm still trying to train out of
the habit. I'm sorry. I know I could do better, and I will try.", you
suddenly infuse an argument with genuine self-honesty that disarms the
entire point of the argument, which in this case is messy habits but
could apply to anything about your own behavior.
5. Relax.
Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Or accidentally head butt your date when leaning in for a kiss? Learn to laugh
at yourself both when it happens and afterward. Turn it into a funny
story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you're not
perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. It's also an attractive
quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take
themselves too seriously!
6. Treat yourself as you'd treat your own best friend.
You value your friends and those close to you; well, who is closer to
you than you are? Give yourself the same kind, thoughtful, and
respectful treatment that you give to other people you care about. If
you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the most
fun/enjoyable/fulfilled/calm/contented type of person you could be,
while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in
this idea and use that as your starting point. Love and accept yourself
as you are now, just as you do for your close ones.
Be responsible for yourself and for
boosting your self-esteem.
If others aren't telling you you're great, don't let it get to you.
Instead, tell yourself you're special, wonderful, and worthwhile. When
you believe these things about yourself, others will recognize that glow
of self-confidence and begin confirming your self-affirmations in no
time!
7. Develop and express your individuality.
Whether it's your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if
your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream and
produces positive outcomes, then be proud of it. Be a character, not a
type. Learn to communicate well - the better you can express yourself,
the easier it is for the people who like you as you are to find you and
the ones who don't to just steer clear.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others.
If you're always striving to be someone you're not already, you'll
never be a happy person. This comes about through comparing yourself to
others and finding yourself wanting in certain ways. This is a slippery
slope to tread, though. You can always see the appearances others wish
to portray publicly but you won't ever see what's really going on behind
their façades in their apparently perfect world. By comparing yourself
to others, you give their image-portrayal way too much power and reduce
your own worth based on a mirage. It's a useless activity that only
brings harm. Instead, value the person you are, love your personality,
and embrace your
flaws; we all have them, and as explained earlier, being honest is better than running from them.
- Avoid being unfair to yourself. Sometimes comparison causes us to
compare apples with pears. We'd like to be a top movie producer in
Hollywood when we're a lowly, aspiring scriptwriter.
To see that top producer's lifestyle and find yourself wanting as a
result is an unfair comparison – that person has years of experience and
hobnobbing behind them, while you're just starting out, testing the
waters with writing skills that may one day prove to be exceptional. Be
realistic in your comparisons and only look to other people as inspiration and as sources of motivation, not as a means to belittling yourself.
- Never stop looking for your own strengths.
Over time, these may change and thus, so may your definition of
yourself, but never let up in focusing and refocusing on them. They more
than adequately balance out your flaws and are the principal reason for
not comparing yourself to others.
- Comparison leads to resentment. A person filled with resentment cannot focus on the mantra of "be yourself" because they are too busy hankering after someone else's spoils!
- Comparison leads also to criticism of others. A life filled with
criticizing others stems from low self-esteem and a need to pull other's
off their perches that you've placed them on. That's both a way to lose
friends and respect, and it's also a way of never being yourself
because you're envy-struck and spending too much time on others, not on
improving yourself.
9. Follow your own style.
The common thing a lot of people do is copy others' actions because it
seems like the better route to fit in, but really, shouldn't you stand
out? Standing out is very hard, yes, but you need to try avoid assuming
other people's perspectives of you, even if it's not something you would
normally do; that's what being yourself is all about. Maybe you like to
sit outside on the deck under an umbrella in the middle of the rain,
maybe you have different ideas of things, rather than other people,
maybe you like
strawberry cake instead of the common chocolate cake, whatever you are,
accept it. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you. Don't let people change you!
10. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and that some days you are the statue.
People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can
shrug and say "Hey, that's just me" and leave it at that, people will
ultimately respect you for it, and you'll respect yourself.
Look on the positive side! Remember: a dead end is not a place to stop; it's a place to turn around and start over again.
REMEMBER !!!
