How to Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive

Have you ever felt like wringing someone's neck after they use every excuse in the book to get out of doing what they told you they would do? You want to confront them but you're so furious you can't think straight... right?

1. First, take a deep breath and remind yourself, they are the crazy one, not you for being affected by their crazy-making behavior!

 

2. Next, find a place where you can be alone for a few minutes (including the bathroom with a lock on it).

 

3. Sit down and place both hands on your belly and take in a full breath - so that you can feel your stomach rise and fall on the out breath.

 

4. Picture your feet and imagine that the deep breathing is going to your feet and relaxing them. Continue this step all the way to your head.

 

5. Now you will feel calmer (less murderous) and you can repeat an affirmation to bolster your self-reality of being sane. (Like, "My name is ____ and I am a sane person dealing with an insane situation, I will survive!")

6. Once you have achieved this level of 'sobriety' then approach the evil-doer and calmly tell them that you will no longer count on them to do what they say they will do. Tell them you understand their self-sabotaging attitudes - and while you sympathize you will not tolerate it anymore. From now on, you say, you will outsource any task you desperately need done rather than depend on them - and add that you will send them the bill - unless of course they are willing to prove you wrong by immediately getting the task done and staying on task until it is completely finished satisfactorily by your standards, not theirs.

 

7. Thank them and walk away.

• Only do this if you intend to keep YOUR word (unlike the passive aggressive crazy maker).
• Have a place to go to stay for awhile while they consider what you said (they can't think when being confronted because they are so ashamed of being busted) - so give them some space to let it sink in